Speed
by Infinityy
Summary: Bella Swan didn't just make me ease off the gas, she made me slam on the brakes. And that was how I learned the world was a much more beautiful place when it wasn't all just a blur. Unfortunately, by that time it was too late.  warning for dark themes
1. Prologue

ALL CREDIT GOES TO S. MEYER. Not mine. I just like playing in her sandbox.

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**PROLOGUE**

"If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character, would you slow down? Or speed up?"  
**Chuck Palahniuk **

"Cullen? Edward Cullen?"

I cringed slightly as I threw the pack of spearmint gum I'd been holding down onto the counter, silently cursing my sudden desire for fresh breath. With an inward sigh, I turned towards the voice that had addressed me.

"The one and only."

"Holy shit, man! It's Tyler Crowley! It's been what? Ten years? Fifteen?"

_Seven_, I thought bitterly. _Seven years, four months and sixteen days._

Though it might as well have been a hundred.

I pressed my lips together for the quickest of moments before forcing the edges of my mouth up into something I hoped would resemble a smile. Running my hand through my hair, I took in the boy standing before me. Maybe 'man' would have been a better term given the changes those seven years had made. He was bigger and taller than I remembered and a little more filled out around the middle, though he'd retained the short crop of blonde hair he'd sported throughout high school. I randomly wondered if he still smoked up in the tee-pee tents in the back of his parent's store. I was caught slightly off-guard by the random memory that chose to surface.

"It's been a long time," I agreed, fishing a few coins out of my pocket and placing them down on the counter to pay for my gum. When I glanced back up at him, he looked slightly pained and before he even moved to speak, I knew what was coming.

"Listen, man, I heard about-"

I held up a hand to silence him and shoved the pack of gum into my pocket with the other.

"I'm sorry," he finished lamely, suddenly looking incredibly uncomfortable. He scratched the back of his neck and awkwardly shifted from one foot to the other. "I heard the services were really nice."

I shrugged as I moved past him, towards the door of the convenience store. "I wouldn't really know."

"Oh." His voice was laced with surprise I expected, but I had to give him credit for the speed at which he recomposed himself and switched gears. "It's awesome to see you. If you're going to be in Forks for awhile, we should get together for a beer or a burger at the diner. Maybe get some of the old crew together or something. I'm sure it would be a good time."

"Yeah, sure." I pushed open the glass door and stepped out into the grey, damp weather. "I'll call you."

It didn't matter that I didn't have Tyler's number because I wouldn't have called even if I did. The truth was that I wasn't staying in Forks for awhile. I wasn't staying for ten more minutes. Coming back here had been a mistake and I was leaving. Now.

Somehow, being so easily recognized and thrust back into a world where the Forks' diner and the 'crew' still existed had completely unnerved me. It reminded me how far removed I was from this place, but it also exposed how much closer to the surface the memories I thought I'd buried had risen.

I ducked my head, using my arms to shield me from the perpetual mist that hung in the air of Washington State, and jogged to my car. The interior of the silver Volvo was still warm and I took a moment to soak in the heat before starting the engine. Despite the dampness, there was something else to blame for the chill seated deep within my bones.

When I pulled out of the parking lot, I fully intended to high-tail my ass back to New York. It didn't matter that I'd only grabbed my duffle bag off the luggage claim about an hour ago. I'd eat the wasted cost of the flights happily, knowing full well that my journey had been a complete bust and Forks held none of the answers I'd subconsciously hoped to find. There was finality to that thought that seemed almost comforting. Almost.

I must have been really lost in my thoughts and driven by my desire to get out of Forks' because I didn't see the cop sitting on the dirt service road until I flew past him pushing at least eighty. Even given my seven year absence, I knew the Forks' police loved to sit there under the cover of pine and shadows and catch unsuspecting drivers disregarding the speeding limit. I should have anticipated slowing down, but I'd blown right on by. Almost immediately, the blue and red lights flipped on and the marked car pulled out behind me, obnoxious siren blaring over the sounds of Mozart filtering from the speakers within my car. I slowed down to a stop on the side of the road as my stomach twisted. I glanced into the rearview mirror and immediately recognized that things had gone from bad to infinitely worse. Getting pulled over was enough to shake up anyone, but the weighted dread that flattened me against the leather seat was attributed to more than just the fear of a speeding ticket. For a split, desperate second, I contemplated flooring it and continuing with my previous plan of getting the hell out of Forks as fast as I could, but the thought was quickly dismissed. The cop slowly approaching my door had enough reason to want me dead, the last thing I needed was to give him any inkling of just cause to carry out the deed himself.

With a shakey arm, I reached over and flipped open my dashboard, retrieving the registration information I knew I'd be asked for assuming I wasn't shot on sight. I heard a knock against my window, and even though I'd been expecting it, I nearly jumped out of my skin. Gritting my teeth together, I pressed a sweaty finger against the automatic window lever and watched the barrier slide down into the door from the corner of my eye.

"Do you know why I pulled you over, son?"

My lips tilted up bitterly as I turned my head, finding irony in the moniker. Charlie Swan had just called me son. The way his mustache twitched and his jaw ticked when my face came into full view told me he wouldn't be finding the humor.

"Yes, sir," I answered, a ghostly familiar tone of defiance automatically tuning my words. "I was speeding."

I thought I'd wanted to revisit the place of my childhood in the hopes of laying some of the pain and the baggage I'd been carrying with me to rest. It was supposed to be cathartic to psychologically purge myself of the demons that kept me tied to this place. At least, that's what the self-help section of Barnes and Nobles had suggested. It had been impulsive and stupid and the moment I'd arrived, all I'd wanted to do was leave and never, ever look back again. But life, as I knew all too well, sometimes had other plans.

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**Reviews are much appreciated. :**]


	2. Gasoline

ALL CREDIT GOES TO S. MEYER. Not mine. I just like playing in her sandbox. All mistakes are my own.

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**CHAPTER ONE**

**Gasoline  
**

The cold, December dawn was complicated by the blizzard that had blown in from the north over night. The cover of heavy grey clouds and sizable white flakes masked the sun as it peeked over the horizon, doing very little to warm the air of its chill. Most residents of the small town of Forks, Washington were still safely tucked in their beds; covers pulled up to their noses as they reveled in the last few hours of deep, dream-filled sleep. I, however, was not most people.

The snow was beginning to accumulate and it crunched beneath my boots as I walked, careful to keep enough distance between myself and the edge of the stream I followed. Such precautions seemed foolish given the circumstances, but I had a calculated plan and I knew if I veered from it, I'd lose my nerve.

The trees around me cast looming shadows and the white-dusted branches clawed at my shoulders. The wind whipped around me, stinging my face and fingers. I pulled the hood of my coat tighter around my head and then jammed my hands into my pockets, curving my body inward to brace against the gusts. I trudged onward until the thick cover of foliage opened to a road and the stream disappeared beneath a concrete bridge. I turned then and followed the edge of grass lining the asphalt, watching my feet carry me forward. I was lost in empty thoughts, deafened by the roaring wind, so when the car approached me from the opposite direction, I was oblivious. The headlights were barely visible through the blanket of white and so I wasn't alerted of it's presence until it pulled right up next to me and slowed.

I couldn't make out much more than a dark silhouette sitting behind the steering wheel from the corner of my eye, but I didn't care to get a better look, so I put my head down and continued walking. I hoped that by ignoring them, they'd simply go away, but the car continued to roll beside me.

"Hey! Hey, you!"

I glanced to the side and realized the dark silhouette had now rolled down the window and the voice calling to me over the howling wind was female. Inwardly, I sighed and clenched my hands into fists in my pockets. No one was supposed to be on the road at this hour, in these weather conditions. Even the tiniest crack in my plan could cause my resolve to completely shatter.

"What?" I growled, snapping my head towards the source of my frustration. "What do you want?"

"Where are you headed?" She seemed unfazed by my irritation, still rolling the car forward and matching my pace.

"That way," I answered, nodding in the direction I was walking and turning my shoulders slightly, signaling the conversation was over. Unfortunately, she was either oblivious or blatantly ignoring my rebuffing.

"Stop," she commanded, and the sudden severity in her voice actually caused my feet to still in the snow. I cursed under my breath and turned towards the car for the first time. The early morning sun now lit the sky in a muffled, light grey color that allowed just enough visibility for me to make out the silver Volvo, though the curtain of snowflakes kept the driver shrouded in anonymity.

"What the hell do you want?" I asked, exasperation heavy in my voice.

"Come over here." She leaned forward then, resting her forearms against the edge of the window, and came into view. Immediately, a sense of familiarity tugged at the edge of my brain and I tilted my head, studying her face.

Her eyes were wide and dark and surrounded by a fan of long lashes that had managed to catch a few wayward flakes. Her nose was small and a bit pointed, offset by full, pale pink lips. Her complexion was fair, almost severely so, and made even more striking by the waves of dark, coffee-colored hair surrounding her head. Perhaps the most interesting observation I made, though, was the expression of annoyance she wore. It seemed quite backwards, considering she was the one who had stopped and bothered me. Fueled by curiosity and something else I couldn't quite pinpoint, I took a few tentative steps towards the car, then crossed my arms over my chest.

"Can I help you?" I asked sarcastically. I cocked an eyebrow and pressed my lips into a tight line, trying to ignore the way the wind was stinging my nose and ears, even behind the protection of my hood.

She seemed to regard me for a moment, wordlessly taking me in from head to toe. I felt uncomfortable under the intensity of her stare and I shifted back and forth on my heels.

"Get in," she said, finally, catching me completely off guard.

I narrowed my eyes and started to turn away. Screw this. This was certainly not a part of my morning itinerary and I'd already wasted far too much time giving this girl any attention. I took exactly one step before she managed to freeze me in place again.

"It's Edward, right? Edward Cullen?"

I turned back towards her, my jaw ticking as I ground my teeth in frustration. "Do I know you?"

She smiled a bit then, nothing particularly radiant or friendly, and nodded.

"Bella Swan. I'm in your 7th period Biology. I'm friends with your sister."

The spark of familiarity ignited into full blown recognition and then my chest was on fire for a completely different reason. A picture of Alice flashed into my head and I felt myself crumble. A wave of guilt washed over me with such intensity I thought I might be sick. But then the moment faded and was gone, though it had eroded all of my determination and a large chunk of my fight. I swallowed, but my tongue felt thick and cumbersome in my mouth.

"Come on," she sighed, stifling a yawn. "It's freezing. Get in."

I closed my eyes and went through the motions of weighing my options in my head though I already knew my decision. It had been made for me, by this stupid, random girl who had unknowingly changed my entire course. I shivered, though not entirely from the cold, and looked back the way from which I'd come. My footprints were already being erased by a fresh layer of snow. I suddenly felt both lighter and heavier at the same time. One load had been lifted, while another had settled down on top of me. I blinked my eyes open and shook my head, trying to clear the philosophical crap attempting to nest there. Then I pulled my jacket tighter around my shoulders and jogged around the front of the car. I pulled the passenger side door open and was blasted by a welcoming gust of heat as I slipped into the seat.

She rolled the window up then turned to me, grinning triumphantly. "So, where were you headed?"

"Home," I answered, automatically.

"Oh." She studied me for a moment and I didn't have to pretend to know why. Now that she'd identified herself, I could remember seeing her around the house once or twice. That meant she knew I wasn't anywhere near where I lived and had actually been headed in the completely opposite direction. I was surprised when she said nothing concerning the fact.

"So what? Do you drive around at the crack of dawn looking for strangers to pick up every morning?" I asked, ignoring her decency for my privacy only seconds earlier. I couldn't help my curiosity and, even more than that, I wanted to keep the conversation off of me.

"No," she snorted. "Not regularly anyway." She smiled at me as she pulled the car away from the side of the road and made a u-turn. "My dad is the police chief. He worked all night and by the looks of the storm, he'll be working most of the day. I wanted to drop him off some breakfast before the roads got too bad."

"How thoughtful," I grumbled.

"What about you? Do you walk around town at the crack of dawn every morning or just during blizzards?"

I couldn't help but grin in appreciation of her bite. "Not regularly. So you're really in 7th period Biology? Isn't that a senior class?" I stared out the window as I nonchalantly tried to steer the conversation back to her once again.

"Yes," she laughed. "I'm really in the class. Maybe if you showed up now and then, you'd know."

I rolled my eyes and she returned the gesture with exaggeration. Again, I found myself smiling.

"And yes, it's a senior class," she continued. "When I moved here sophomore year, I was ahead in the curriculum so they let me test out and take advanced classes."

I nodded and clasped my hands together between my knees. I was already running out of mindless small talk, probably because my mind was so full of other things. The passenger seat of a relative stranger's car was probably not the best place to sort my thoughts, though, so I commented on the first thing my eyes landed on. CD player.

"So, what are you listening to?" I asked, nodding towards the dashboard. I moved to press the eject button, but she intercepted my hand by slapping it away with her own.

"Nothing really," she said quickly. "The usual stuff."

I looked at her with raised eyebrows, but she pointedly ignored my stare. As she focused intently on the road, I quickly leaned forward again, ejecting the CD and pulling it out before she could react. She made a lame attempt to grab it from my hands, but I leaned away towards the door out of reach.

"Let's see." I spun the CD on my index finger and looked down at the label, expecting to see something embarrassing like Kidz Bop or Justin Bieber in bright pink, Comic Sans print. Instead, I was awarded with surprise. "You listen to Debussy?"

She flipped her hair over her shoulder and nodded, eyes still trained to the road.

"He's brilliant," I said quietly, pushing the CD back into the player as her head whipped around.

"You like Debussy?" The blatant doubt in her voice made me chuckle.

"Yes."

"Well, your sister thinks it's crap."

"My sister wouldn't know real art if a Picasso fell on her head." I pressed play and cycled through the tracks until I found Clair de Lune then leaned back against the seat. The music coupled with the snow outside the windows created an oddly peaceful feeling that I hadn't experienced in a criminally long amount of time. It made my chest feel heavy and something alarming pricked at the back of my eyes. It was a ridiculous response, but so visceral that I could do nothing to stop it. I dug my fingers into the leather seat beneath my legs and tried not to reflect on my morning. Too much had happened. Too much could have happened. If I started considering it now, I'd short-circuit and this was neither the time nor the place.

We didn't talk for the rest of the drive. I wasn't sure if it was because she sensed my unease or because she was enjoying the quiet, but I didn't really care either way. The car was like a bubble, preserving the present moment and separating the future from the past. I knew once I got out, the bubble would burst and everything would run together like watercolors. I'd have to go back to dealing with the bullshit and the inner torment I couldn't seem to escape.

When we neared the hidden entrance to the driveway leading up to my house, I cleared my throat and turned down the music.

"You can let me out here."

"What? You're driveway is, like, a mile long," she said, blinking at me in confusion.

"Just let me out," I answered sharply. Then, realizing I'd been a bit harsh, I added, "I'm just going to slip in. I don't want the car engine to wake anyone."

She nodded and pulled to the side of the road, quietly tugging on her hair as she cut the engine. For some strange, idiotic reason, the gesture kept me rooted to my seat, even though I was mentally willing myself to get out of the car. I couldn't think of anything I wanted to say, either, so we sat there staring out at the falling snow for what felt like a very long time.

"So, uh, you're welcome," she said, breaking the silence first.

"Oh, right. Thanks," I mumbled. I watched her run her fingers around the steering wheel from the corner of my eye. I found myself still floundering for words, yet not ready to leave. "Maybe I'll see you in Bio."

"Maybe," she said with a shrug before yawning against the back of her hand.

I suddenly remembered how early it was and decided that if I had any hopes of sneaking back into the house unnoticed, I needed to get my ass in gear. Without another word, I pushed the door open and climbed out. I didn't turn back around as I jogged up the driveway, but I heard her start the engine and pull away. Something inside my chest tugged, but I ignored it and broke out into a run. I was feeling completely out of sorts, but the burning sensation in my lungs caused by the gulps of cold air I was inhaling was helping me stay grounded. By the time I reached the back door, I was out of breath. I took a second to collect myself then opened the door as quietly as possible. I already knew well the places the hinges would creak and anticipated them, bracing the door with my other hand. When there was a wide enough space, I slipped inside and slowly clicked it closed behind me. Then I surveyed the room.

The back door led into the kitchen, which was still dark and untouched. The display on the microwave read 7:12 and that, coupled with its immaculate state lead me to believe that no one was awake yet. Acknowledging the chill seated deep within my bones, I moved to the cabinets above the stove and pulled out a mug. I quickly filled it with water from the tap and stuck it into the microwave. Just as I was retrieving a package of hot chocolate from the pantry, something suddenly grabbed my shoulder from behind causing me to jump and drop the box I was holding, scattering paper packets of powdered hot chocolate mix across the floor.

"Jumpy?"

I spun around to face my sister, who was more than a head shorter than me and bundled in an enormous oversized sweatshirt that dwarfed her already slight frame even further. The hood was pulled up, but haphazard strands of short, black hair still stuck out around her head. Everything about her was, and always had been, tiny - her face, her feet, her hands, her nose - everything, but her personality and zest for life. She shined like summer and glitter and all the happy shit in the world rolled into pink, fuzzy stuffed animals, which I found annoying and completely exhausting. We were opposites in almost every way except two - our ability to be incredibly stubborn and the green eyes passed down from our mother. Despite the many ways she drove me insane and magnified my place as 'the bad child' and made me physically ill with her sugary sweet outlook, I loved her more than the world. The only responsibility I ever took seriously was my duty to protect her.

"Why are you up so early on a Saturday?" I asked, crouching down to collect the hot chocolate packets and shoving them back in their box. "Don't you need your beauty sleep or something?"

She snorted and nudged me with her hip. "I'm already beautiful," she laughed, batting her eyelashes. "You, however, look like you haven't slept in days."

I stood and sighed just as the microwave beeped, signaling it was done heating my water. I walked over and squinted into the window of the door, trying to verify Alice's assessment, but the distorted image reflected back was impossible to really inspect.

"You're not just getting in, are you?" she asked, hopping up on the counter next to me.

I took the cup of hot water out of the microwave and shook my head.

"No," I answered, ripping open a package of hot chocolate with my teeth and dumping it into the mug. I could feel her eyes on me but I kept my attention on the task at hand. I pulled open the drawer to retrieve a spoon, then started stirring

"Good," she said slowly. I could hear the skepticism in her voice. "Because if dad caught you-"

"Alice!" I interrupted, throwing the spoon down onto the counter with a clang and shoving the mug of hot chocolate at her. "Here. I was actually on my way out. Tell mom I'll be back later."

She blinked at me, clutching the ceramic mug in both hands. The only explanation I could muster was a shrug before I turned and quickly headed out the way that I'd first come.

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_playlist:_

city & colour - the sleeping sickness  
carolina liar - show me what I'm looking for

reviews appreciated!


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